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In the Beginning, the Church of the Holy American Oval Racers was led by
St. Tony. St. Tony had, many years earlier, led the pilgrims through the
darkness and delivered them to the Holy Brickyard. He commanded, "Thou
shalt hold the month of May Holy!" And it came to pass that the yearly
pilgrimage to the Holy Brickyard was held in reverence and awe by those
who witnessed it. It grew in size and the racing was good, the Roadster
was king, peace and harmony reigned. Life was good at the Holy
Brickyard.
Yet there were rumblings coming from the morning horizon. Invaders from
the East, with green cars, powered in the rear, arrived at the Hallowed
Grounds in Lotuses and Fords. Disruptive forces were at work within the
Church. Infiltration was occurring, the Roadster was no longer king.
McLarens and Eagles dominated the landscape, and even the Noble Offy was
threatened. All looked to St. Tony for guidance and leadership.
But, lo, Saint Tony had ascended to the great Oval in the sky, and
darkness began to fall on the land. St. Tony was soon followed by his
closest confidantes, the Privy Council USAC.
Confusion began to set in over the Consecrated Oval itself. Even the
Noble Offy was gone. The Privy Council, with no leadership, became an
amorphous mass. The members of the Church were restless for leadership.
They created a new governing body, the CARTinals.
An uneasy truce was called between the remnants of the USAC Privy
Council, who held little control of the Holy Brickyard and Consecrated
Oval, and the Cardinals of CART. Led by Reverend Roger and CARTinal
Carl, The CARTinals became the true bastions of the Church, carrying its
message across the land.
However, they enlisted support not only from other Oval Worshippers, but
from the pagans themselves, the Road Racers. Some even accused the
Cardinals themselves of being Druids in the pagan cult of Road Racers.
Members of the old Church were suspicious of this new support. Some were
frightened that the Sacred Month of May itself was being threatened.
Darkness had descended upon the Privy Council. Stripped of their power,
all they had left was to be caretakers of the Sacred Oval. Instead of
bastions, they believed the CARTinals to be the bastards of the Church.
They were frightened of the close association the CARTinals had with the
pagan Road Racers. They prayed for a saviour.
And then it came to pass that St. George arrived at the Sacred Oval.
Claiming direct descendancy from St. Tony himself, St. George drove the
pagans from the temple, and cleansed the Sacred Oval of Road Racers. He
announced that only the Annointed Members of the IRL, could visit the
Holy Brickyard from that point on (or at least 25 of them, while still
allowing 8 pagans). He announced that the CART pagans were to be there
no more, lest they cleanse themselves of evil Road Racing influences
(well, eight of them could be there for now).
The CARTinals then declared Sir George to be The Beast himself, the
destroyer of the great American open wheel tradition. Great chaos
reigned over the Church, with many saying that the Holy Brickyard had
been desecrated forever and ever. CART attempted to consecrate a
separate Sacred Oval, but few believed it would come to pass. Bereft of
their power over the Holy Brickyard, they were even threatened with the
loss of their name and identity. They vowed to fight on.
Meanwhile, the Privy Council, with renewed vigor, begun consecrating
ovals in the East and West with sacred methanol. Behold, they said, the
Church of the Holy American Oval Racers has been purified! Those with
the True Oval Spirit in their heart may return to the Holy Brickyard!
The lay of the Church were dismayed and confused. They bickered amongst
each other as to who were the pagans and who was the horned beast. Some
left for the East, to follow Sir Bernie and the Formula. Some headed
south to put Stock in Sir Bill. Others stayed, still wondering what had
befallen the land, and unsure of the future.
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